These ascension times are calling for Ego Death, that we may release the False self and be freed from the False Matrix. All astrological transits and ancient prophecies indicate this as well, a dissolving of the old ways so that a completely new expression of reality may reveal itself.
I look into the mirror and see a new person forming, in physical appearance as well as demeanor, values and how I perceive and interact with the world around me.
I now innerstand that the past occurrences that led me into the Dark Night of the Soul were Divinely aligned by my Soul to begin this shedding, this transformation. There is nothing like abandonment and rejection of the person you love so deeply to reveal the delusion you have been living, and catalyze the ripping away of who you thought you and the those around you were. The past two years I sat with it all, seeing where I have been out of alignment with my True Divine Nature, how I allowed fear and insecurity to blind me to how my words and actions affected others. I think I have been living in survival mode all my life and it was exaggerated when I was homeless and had little source of income, completely dependent on my partner and her RV. I knew the whole time she could throw me out at any moment. This scared the sh*t out of me, each day hoping our love would be enough to continue together. I am thankful that that moment didn’t come until I landed in Sedona and began working again and not when we were in some rural place where I knew no one. It’s funny, right before the dramatic ending, I was saying to myself that I wanted to embody my Higher Self at all times (I do embody my Higher Self when I am offering my healing work and when I am leading retreats and ceremony) and then, BOOM! Higher Self said, here you go...this is how we do it.
Since then, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions and self-reflection. I am landing into a quiet place and coming to the stage of of grief known as acceptance, grateful for the gift of this separation and the dismantling of what and who I believed I was. I am humbled by Life.
Now I cut all my hair off. Hair holds on to emotional memory and I wanted to clear my field in every way so that I can show up in this time with completely new energy. The last time I cut all my hair off in this way I was 10 years younger and a lot thinner. I loved the way I looked at that time. It felt good and empowering. This time I sat in front of the mirror watching my locks fall to the ground and witnessed the older woman I’ve become emerging before me, overweight, out of shape and hunched over from crying for the past two years. I was devastated by what I saw before me. I have always been a very attractive woman. Strangers would stop me on the street to tell how they admired my beauty and my posture. And now I looked at my reflection and cried, my ego once again being dismantled. In the process of moving through difficult energies and healing, I let myself go.
Who am I without my beauty? Who am I without my partner? Who am I now? My Ego screams and kicks and tries to hold on to the old way. This only causes more suffering. The old way is in the past and is out of reach. There is no going back. Calling for more acceptance. Calling for more humbling. Peeling away the false sense of self, the illusion of what I thought was important. Soul speaks and says, “It is time to shine your beauty from within.” It is time to release the importance of what others think of you and offer yourself in service, without accolades or recognition. This is True Beauty. This is True Worth.“
Aaaah the ending of what was...this is what I have been praying for for many years and here it is. My new name is a perfect reflection of this energy, Deva Sophia Grace. Grace, Grace, Grace….Yes Grace, for myself, for my former partner, for the collective consciousness, for All and Everything. GRACE.
Grace opens the door to receive Divine Gifts. When you have surrendered self-importance and the need to be seen or valued by others, when you begin to love yourself because you are a Divine Aspect of God, because you are worthy of Love just because you exist, then Ego has lost its grip and you are truly free. Free to be your authentic Self and offer your gifts and service with real Love, unconditionally.